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Share Secrets to Well-Behaved Kids
6/30/2009 2:09:51 PM
How have you handled situations when a child is having a temper tantrum or experiencing anger issues?
When my children were younger and tantrums were an issue, in public, no matter where we were or what we were doing we simply left. full shopping carts, dinners ordered, a party, once we left I explained why we left and that until the offending child could behave properly in public we wouldnt be going again. it only took once with each child and they never acted out in public again. I have such a hard time holding my tongue when I see a screaching child in a cart at the store and the mother either seems not to notice or hear it or she starts whacking the child as if hitting and hurting is going to make the screaming stop?
I have found that removing the child from the situation (if possible) as quickly as you can keeps you from getting upset or embarassed. Dealing with whatever issues may be at hand are always easier when done privately. My kids always were able to calm down and talk (or cry) it out when a lot of eyes were not watching. My motto: I only have one chance to be their loving, understanding, patient Mom; every day and in every situation.
I feel that well behaved children has everything to do with an early start. Communication with children and to be involved in each and everything that they do. They need spirtual training as well, that is the most important. Leadership by example is important. Lots of love, care and understanding since after all we used to be that age too. YH
Thank you, everybody! I REALLY needed to read these today! I WILL go home and be a more understanding mom.
- Veronica said:
I started early in each of my boys lives to let them know that temper tantrums were not acceptable behavior and told them to go in their bedrooms until they had calmed down enough for us to discuss the issue at hand. Whenever they pulled out the I hate you! message, I would tell them that they wouldnt hate me forever and that I still loved them. They also learned very early that the grocery stores, restaurants, and other public places were not their playgrounds and explained to them what kind of behavior I expected from them when we would be taking them to one of these places. If I even got the slightest inkling that a temper tantrum was about to erupt, I would ask them if I needed to take them out to the car with me. If we ended up sitting out in the car, I reminded them that type of behavior was not acceptable since it would not allow the other people in the public place to enjoy their activities and the others deserved to enjoy their time at the place. Always after any discussions we had of this type, I would hug them and kiss them and told them I knew how well behaved they could be when they gave it an effort.
As parents, we told them they were allowed to express their opinions on any subject matter as long as they followed the rules we had set in advance on how it was to be discussed - no yelling on their part, no use of offensive or obscene language, and that we [parents] would listen. Once they had expressed their opinions, we acknowledged their opinions and when necessary, commented on their opinions and discussed ways of looking at the situation in different manner. I think they showed more respect toward us for using this practice in discussing differences in our own opinions. If their reasoning was good enough, we would compliment them for thinking it through and they were rewarded by us changing our opinions on occasion (depending on the issues at hand), or explaining our reasons for sticking with our opinions on the subject.
Of course, there were days when things did not go perfectly with our sons and it still happens now from time to time even though they are much older (First son is 33, second is 28). We would not be a normal family if some situations did not go well, but it is a great deal easier to get through those times than it was when they were younger. They grew up knowing every day we loved them regardless of the circumstances that might arise on any given day, we demonstrated a gigantic amount of patience at times, and they knew we would never give up on them.
Well said. I think the child's behavior is a direct reflection of parental behavior. Because you demonstrated proper behavior, remained calm and consistant you were in fact teaching them the behavior you wanted them to have. As the saying goes: 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree'.
Here's my take ...... start young first step removal second step switch and bait third step and my fav. three times your out! the third step has lasted til this day, he's 13, it hardly ever gets pass one. It incompasses the first two. While removal is mostly for safty it also teaches boundries. the second is conseqences. When they are able to count they are also able to know their wants. Boy do they know their wants. Use those wants! Bad behavior starts with a warring "one". I don't even have to say it now, just a raise of a finger.the silent discipline is Great ... when your in public places or around judging relitives. A "two" count means I mean it (child is pushing /testing)so let them know what it is they are going to lose if they continue. The Third count something is gone from their life see above wantss.I don't bribe/even though some feel this is .... I don't threaten/some may feel this is.... I don't give in/i follow though....I hold my ground/this is not a debate.... i am able to stay calm/remembering each count equal love hope and faith.
WHEN MY KIDS ARE HAVING A HARD TIME I SEND THEM TO THEIR ROOM THEN I GO IN AND ASK WHY THEY ARE IN TROUBLE AND WHAT THEY NEED TO DO NEXT TIME SO THEY WONT GET IN TROUBLE AGAIN IT TAKES LIKE TWO TIMES OF THE SAME BEHAVIOR TO GET IT BUT IT WORKS THE NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF THERE ACTIONS MY KIDS ARE 11,7,4.
Honestly.....its all about follow through. Empty and idle threats of discipline teach kids very early on that they can get away with ANYTHING. Promoting manners and respect is a close second. Kids that GET respect, give it......and vice versa. Third.... in the early years, use every situation as a teaching moment..... if you see other kids behaving badly use it as a conversation starting point, and discourage hanging around with kids that behave that way. The only time you can pick your kids friends is in the beginning, set them up with what to expect out of their friends behavior and just hope they'll make wise choices in the future. Oh yeah..... and lots of crossing your fingers and prayers! 
Jesus said in the Bible that He would draw all men unto himself. Draw your children to you. My Grandmother always had us come to her. I have always attempted to draw my children to me. If I thought they were in a place to get into trouble, I would call to them and ask them, "Where's ___________?" Make it sort of a game you play with them. And when they are in trouble, you can ask them, "Where's ____________?" Use it for their benefit always. Draw them to you....but try to lead them into the good things with love (sometimes a tough love). Most important of all...LOVE THEM WITH ALL YOUR HEART...BE WILLING TO GIVE YOUR LIFE FOR THEM...NOT GIVE THEM THINGS. DRAW THEM TO YOU.
- Maria said:
Honestly.....its all about follow through. Empty and idle threats of discipline teach kids very early on that they can get away with ANYTHING. Promoting manners and respect is a close second. Kids that GET respect, give it......and vice versa. Third.... in the early years, use every situation as a teaching moment..... if you see other kids behaving badly use it as a conversation starting point, and discourage hanging around with kids that behave that way. The only time you can pick your kids friends is in the beginning, set them up with what to expect out of their friends behavior and just hope theyll make wise choices in the future. Oh yeah..... and lots of crossing your fingers and prayers!
- Yvonne said:
I feel that well behaved children has everything to do with an early start. Communication with children and to be involved in each and everything that they do. They need spirtual training as well, that is the most important. Leadership by example is important. Lots of love, care and understanding since after all we used to be that age too. YH
- Shannon said:
I have found that removing the child from the situation (if possible) as quickly as you can keeps you from getting upset or embarassed. Dealing with whatever issues may be at hand are always easier when done privately. My kids always were able to calm down and talk (or cry) it out when a lot of eyes were not watching. My motto: I only have one chance to be their loving, understanding, patient Mom; every day and in every situation.
I have laid down on the ground and threw a tantrum with them! They look at me like I am crazy and we both start laughing. I am a mother of 5. And I am very happy and love all my children. I adopted two but I forgot which ones!
When I take my child into a store, I let them pick out something that we can both agree on right away. I tell them that if they start begging for things, I won't give them what they want and I'm putting back the item they chose at the beginning of the trip and we will leave. Once, I started this, the tantrums ended.
Children learn from their parents and surroundings. As parents we must start early in training our children on what is acceptable behavior. It may be when a child is very young that some of those not so good behaviors seem cute, but as they grow it won't be. We as parents have to set boundaries and stick to them( let your yes mean yes and your no mean no), if not it is confusing to a child. Finally, always discipline with love, this does not mean that a child will never get a spanking. You never use this form of discipline on a child when you are upset. There is a big difference between a swat on the but or hand, then beating a child and leaving bruises. Many have forgotten that 50 years ago or more this form of discipline was excepted by many, even having biblical backing. Now in the past 25 years parents have had the government tell them how to raise their children and look at the outcome. Teachers can barely control classrooms and violence has sky rocketed in schools all over the country. Parents are rendered helpless in controlling their children turning to daytime TV programs as a last resort. Children have become so unruly that many parents are losing their lives because of it! Where do we go from here? We as parents need to remember it is not the responsibility of anyone but ourselves in raising our children. Remembering the effort we put in raising our children is what makes them the best adults they can be. Is that not the goal?
- Janice said:
- Veronica said:
I started early in each of my boys lives to let them know that temper tantrums were not acceptable behavior and told them to go in their bedrooms until they had calmed down enough for us to discuss the issue at hand. Whenever they pulled out the I hate you! message, I would tell them that they wouldnt hate me forever and that I still loved them. They also learned very early that the grocery stores, restaurants, and other public places were not their playgrounds and explained to them what kind of behavior I expected from them when we would be taking them to one of these places. If I even got the slightest inkling that a temper tantrum was about to erupt, I would ask them if I needed to take them out to the car with me. If we ended up sitting out in the car, I reminded them that type of behavior was not acceptable since it would not allow the other people in the public place to enjoy their activities and the others deserved to enjoy their time at the place. Always after any discussions we had of this type, I would hug them and kiss them and told them I knew how well behaved they could be when they gave it an effort.
As parents, we told them they were allowed to express their opinions on any subject matter as long as they followed the rules we had set in advance on how it was to be discussed - no yelling on their part, no use of offensive or obscene language, and that we [parents] would listen. Once they had expressed their opinions, we acknowledged their opinions and when necessary, commented on their opinions and discussed ways of looking at the situation in different manner. I think they showed more respect toward us for using this practice in discussing differences in our own opinions. If their reasoning was good enough, we would compliment them for thinking it through and they were rewarded by us changing our opinions on occasion (depending on the issues at hand), or explaining our reasons for sticking with our opinions on the subject.
Of course, there were days when things did not go perfectly with our sons and it still happens now from time to time even though they are much older (First son is 33, second is 28). We would not be a normal family if some situations did not go well, but it is a great deal easier to get through those times than it was when they were younger. They grew up knowing every day we loved them regardless of the circumstances that might arise on any given day, we demonstrated a gigantic amount of patience at times, and they knew we would never give up on them.
Well said. I think the childs behavior is a direct reflection of parental behavior. Because you demonstrated proper behavior, remained calm and consistant you were in fact teaching them the behavior you wanted them to have. As the saying goes: the apple doesnt fall far from the tree.
- Veronica said:
How nice it is to hear from somebody who has had success in raising children. I believe your post has helped alot of people including me.
- JANINE said:
I have laid down on the ground and threw a tantrum with them! They look at me like I am crazy and we both start laughing. I am a mother of 5. And I am very happy and love all my children. I adopted two but I forgot which ones!
How cute and clever!!!
- Yvonne said:
I feel that well behaved children has everything to do with an early start. Communication with children and to be involved in each and everything that they do. They need spirtual training as well, that is the most important. Leadership by example is important. Lots of love, care and understanding since after all we used to be that age too. YH
Thank for that comment on children needing spiritual direction in their lives. When they have love and deep respect for their creator, they are able express this toward all people.
- Tammy said:
My youngest daugter LOved to through temper tantrums in the store. If you have the nerve here is a good trick to try. Next timeyour child throws their self on the floor screaming. Lay down beside them and do the same thing I did it. My daughter jumped up and said Mommy stop that you are embarrasing me. I replied now you know how i feel. That was the end of the temper tantrums and my house and in public.
I love that!! good for you, they need to "see" what they look like and how they are acting!
If we are in a store or resturant...we usually go outside and "take a walk" I try to let him know that I understand that he is mad about something but I can't help to change the situation unless I know whats going on in his head. So we walk around and talk, he calms down and realizes that it was silly in the first place to get so angry. Anytime he acts up i just ask if we need to go "take a walk" sometimes he says yes and sometime he says no and calms himself down.
Starting when they are super young is key.I would always explain what I expected behavior wise from my daughter before we left the house.Including if I could afford to by anything extra.I would always include her in the shopping process by talking with her about almost everything we were choosing and why."Would you like to have sweet potatoes with dinner one day this week?Ok here you go put this in the carriage for mommy.Thank you."Sometimes she would see something she wanted and I would tell her if she behaved when mommy had money next, we could get it.If there were times when she would misbehave-I would count to three, if she hadn't done what I wanted by then, then it was time for a time out.Don't forget they immitate everything we do.Lead by example.Try not to argue in front of the little ones even with the hubby!
I'm from the old school, since my kid's are grown and have children of their own. but I never let my kid's get away with a temper fit. I stood firm, took things away from them when needed. and yes I paddled their butts. Now you must understand that there is a BIG difference in a spanking and a beating. and that spanking's are sometimes needed. or a slap on the hand, not hard but just enough to let the kid know that it was wrong. I also belive in talking to a child and explaining wrong from right, my kids were forced to sit on the couch and watch soap operas! instead of going to their rooms were the toy's and such were at. LOL. If you don't have control of a child by the time they're 2 you'll never have it. "save the rod spoil the child" now I NEVER used anything but my hand on their butts. I don't belive in that. but when talking and time out's don't work, well a good old fashion spanking might just be in order.
when we'd go into a store I'd ask my kids if they were human's or wild animals? when they asked why, wild anilmal's are not allowed in stores I'd tell them. I see people with little kids at the mall's and such, the kid's are screamming and throwing a fit. I never had that problem, But I think that most kids know that Mom & Dad will get into trouble if they try to correct a chld anymore, they call it "child abuse" well remember the 2 year old when he or she is 19 and behind bar's because they threw a temper fit when they didn't get what they wanted.
YES I HAVE I HAVE A 8 YEAR OLD AND MY OTHER SON WILL BE 5 TOMMOROW ON THE 9TH THEY HAVE BOTH HAD TEREBLE TANTRUMS DO NOT PAY ATTENTION AND MOST OF THE TIME IT WILL STOP.
one time we had a cop at our home because of a person who lived across the street from us had shot a firework right between my children ages then 6 monthes and three years my oldest was screaming and yelling at me the cop looked at me and said you do know in the state of florida you have the right to spank your child as long as the butt is not bruised for more than 48 hours my son stop his behavior and till this day i remind him of that when he gets reallly out of control.
- Janice said:
- Veronica said:
I started early in each of my boys lives to let them know that temper tantrums were not acceptable behavior and told them to go in their bedrooms until they had calmed down enough for us to discuss the issue at hand. Whenever they pulled out the I hate you! message, I would tell them that they wouldnt hate me forever and that I still loved them. They also learned very early that the grocery stores, restaurants, and other public places were not their playgrounds and explained to them what kind of behavior I expected from them when we would be taking them to one of these places. If I even got the slightest inkling that a temper tantrum was about to erupt, I would ask them if I needed to take them out to the car with me. If we ended up sitting out in the car, I reminded them that type of behavior was not acceptable since it would not allow the other people in the public place to enjoy their activities and the others deserved to enjoy their time at the place. Always after any discussions we had of this type, I would hug them and kiss them and told them I knew how well behaved they could be when they gave it an effort.
As parents, we told them they were allowed to express their opinions on any subject matter as long as they followed the rules we had set in advance on how it was to be discussed - no yelling on their part, no use of offensive or obscene language, and that we [parents] would listen. Once they had expressed their opinions, we acknowledged their opinions and when necessary, commented on their opinions and discussed ways of looking at the situation in different manner. I think they showed more respect toward us for using this practice in discussing differences in our own opinions. If their reasoning was good enough, we would compliment them for thinking it through and they were rewarded by us changing our opinions on occasion (depending on the issues at hand), or explaining our reasons for sticking with our opinions on the subject.
Of course, there were days when things did not go perfectly with our sons and it still happens now from time to time even though they are much older (First son is 33, second is 28). We would not be a normal family if some situations did not go well, but it is a great deal easier to get through those times than it was when they were younger. They grew up knowing every day we loved them regardless of the circumstances that might arise on any given day, we demonstrated a gigantic amount of patience at times, and they knew we would never give up on them.
Well said. I think the childs behavior is a direct reflection of parental behavior. Because you demonstrated proper behavior, remained calm and consistant you were in fact teaching them the behavior you wanted them to have. As the saying goes: the apple doesnt fall far from the tree.
- Veronica said:
I'M SORRY BUT WHEN YOU ARE DEALING WITH A 1 YEAR OLD THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT SHORT AND SIMPLE OR THERE ATTENTION WONDERS AS FOR THE APPLE NOT FAR FROM THE TREE IT DEPEND'S ON WHO YOU CHOSE FOR A FATHER TO.
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