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Share Secrets to Well-Behaved Kids
6/30/2009 2:09:51 PM
How have you handled situations when a child is having a temper tantrum or experiencing anger issues?
I have been blessed with a good little boy, but he sometimes can have his moments. I do not let him get away with behaving badly if he knows it is wrong or if he has already been corrected for the behavior. He HATES to sit in time out, but it is very effective for us! Also, time out consists of sitting with his face to the wall so he has no distractions and this makes it much more boring. Now all it takes is one warning as a reminder that he is behaving unfavorably and he stops. We are a very loving family, lots of hugs, kisses and praise so my son is always eager to please by showing us how good he can be!!!
let your no mean no and your yes mean yes; be very consistent in what you say and what you have said means, leave no gap for an arguement. stay clam during a tantrum, remember you are NOT the one having the tantrum; look the child square in the face and ask if they are done yet expressing themselves in public. you the parent are in charge. in a store if the child needs a snack, get one right away and let your no mean no from that moment on. if they grab something on the shelf, have them put it back (and straighten up a bit with your direction). a lengthy explanation to a child of 2 to 8 is lost; say no and mean it. no is not a bad word but reward for a good job even if it's done at a 3 year old level.nancy
My son is 9 going on10 soon I take the playstation away, if that doesnt work then I take TV away,if that doesnt work I get his dad to talk to him that usually work when the others havent and then if that doesnt work he gets all of it plus grounding.
Ask them what is bothering them in an honest straght forward manner. Talk to them like they little adults not infants. Expect them to behave well and do not rewrd them to get them to stop the inappropriate behavior.Marcia M.
My kids are grown now, but what worked for me is knowing they are out of control because their are too young to fully grasp the why and why not of their situation. I had to be the adult and just let them kick and scream. When we got to the car I would always say " If you EVER kick and scream like that again, I will not take you with me for a long long time. Do you understand? All three tested me and I followed through. It worked. They were forced into trying extra hard to contol themselves in public, and I saw how it got easier for them to behave. I rewarded their behavior with love and extra attention. Now, at 25,22 & 18, they continue to this day to be polite and kind to others.
- Tammy said:
My youngest daugter LOved to through temper tantrums in the store. If you have the nerve here is a good trick to try. Next timeyour child throws their self on the floor screaming. Lay down beside them and do the same thing I did it. My daughter jumped up and said Mommy stop that you are embarrasing me. I replied now you know how i feel. That was the end of the temper tantrums and my house and in public.
LOL. My mom did that to me and I do that to my kids. Thew look at me like I'm crazy but it gets ont heir nerves, then I say exactly what you said... :Now, you know how I feel!"
I Place them on my lap and just hug and kiss them with in seconds they quiet down, and then we talk..works every time.
It is always helpful to have a little "pep talk" review in the car to remind children of consequences for inappropriate behavior before heading into the store. If you say you will leave the store when they beg for items or have tantrums, make sure you are willing to leave the store with a full cart of groceries, etc. if they misbehave! You will probably only ever have to leave once because your kids know you mean what you say. Keeping your preschool/young elementary kids involved with your shopping helps stave off boredom as well. It's best to talk to your child in a calm voice preferably in their ear to ask them to calm down or to tell them what is going to happen next if they continue to misbehave. Yelling parents (who many times are having tantrums themselves) make other shoppers uncomfortable and certainly draw more attention to themselves.
With my oldest son whom is now a very respectful 17 year old we would have a terrible time getting him to behave at restraunts and stores, we finally enlisted the "If you can't use your manners when we go special places you just wont go next time." This was a wonderful tool and it also taught him in a way we couldn't vocally get through to him. I am proud to say that we use this approach with all of the children in our home at which present is 5. Ages 20,19,17,14,and almost 2. All of our children use their manners and are generally well behaved in the home as well as out of the home. I started my set of rules when I was 13 and have never changed them. I have been through tantrums where they beat their head off of stuff and scream uncontrollably to holding their breath until they pass out. The more you focus on it the worse they get. In most cases I have found if you act like you dont hear or see it it does not last long and with the ones that wont stop be calm and stand your ground...tempers flare for child and parent in these cases and once they know you wont be bullied and they have to appologize for their behavior and tell you why they not supposed to act that way and why they did then they are usually quick to think about it the next time. My children get 20 questions and they have to answer me and by the time we are through they have had a lot to think about and usually we never have to go through it again.
Most important is to not make an idle threat, if you tell the child to stop and act right or you will all leave, mean it and follow through. They will see you mean business and are not messing around and it will also teach them the importance of appropriate behavior.
I was very very lucky.....my girls never acted up in stores.
The secret to well behaved children is simple.... Listen to what they have to say and Communicate with them. Show an interest in them and what's important to them.
stick with the rules so that they know what to expect for their actions, emediate action, time out then and there any wall will hold a nose, any wall. Never try to reason with a child, you are the parent not their best friend always do what you say you are going to do! I f you say that you are going to leave the Zoo if they act up and runamuck and ask for everything at the "KIASKS", leave when the behavior begins do not negotiate for 2nd chances, never give a treat in exchange for better behavior and never let some"disaproving whiner change your corse of action" if you have told your child no cookies befor lunch and a tantrum insues, give the child a time out on "THAT" wall and Ignore the passers by who wisper and point, because they have no idea why and for what
I never had any behavior problems with my two children who are now 44 and 42, and the grandkids weren't too bad either, but our two youngest great-grandkids is a totally different story. My family knows without a doubt I love them very much, and they also know I say what I mean and mean what I say......no if's and's or but's. If you tell the kids just one time and don't follow through, then you have blown it. Kids know if you mean what you say or not. They need to know you love them and they need to know you care enough to make them into the children you know they can be. Don't be a 'friend', be their parent. They need you to be their mom or dad, not another friend. Teach your children about the love of God and go with them to church. Best advice you will ever receive.
I walk out of the store if I am shopping so that everyone else can have a nice shopping trip. If we are at home, they are sent to their rooms. Both times I talk to them afterwards and discuss how it could have been handled differently. If the tantrum is really bad, then I take something that they value away from them. This usually gets their attention better than anything else. No video games for a day makes my son think twice next time.
This is going to sound like I'm tooting my own horn but the truth is the truth. My daughter never through a temper tantrum. From the time she started to crawl and reach for things, she was taught the meaning of the word "no". As a young child, she knew if we said "I'll think about it and let you know" that she was not to ask again OR the answer would be a definite 'no.' So, because she understood the household rules early on, she always asked permission for going, for purchases, etc, ahead of time, so that all the info could be discussed, planned for, or considered and because of that, our answer was usually 'yes' unless there was good reason for denying her. I don't understand unruly kids today or their parents, and I appreciate and compliment openly the good behavior I see in other kids to their parents whenever I can.
I have been watching my 7 year old nephew and he gets angry when things are not going his way. I have been trying to talk to him in soothing tones and I speak quietly. That seems to diffuse things. I also give him a count of three and this ritual usually changes his behavior.
My favorite way of stopping a tantrum is to say a little loud dear and kick a bit more too. Once it doesn't get you riled there is no point in them continuing. Another way I have heard about is to join the crowd and say I wonder where her parents are?
- Sarah said:
- Tammy said:
My youngest daugter LOved to through temper tantrums in the store. If you have the nerve here is a good trick to try. Next timeyour child throws their self on the floor screaming. Lay down beside them and do the same thing I did it. My daughter jumped up and said Mommy stop that you are embarrasing me. I replied now you know how i feel. That was the end of the temper tantrums and my house and in public.
WONDERFUL idea. Im going to have to try this one on my little girl.
- Tammy said:
- Michelle said:
- Sarah said:
- Tammy said:
My youngest daugter LOved to through temper tantrums in the store. If you have the nerve here is a good trick to try. Next timeyour child throws their self on the floor screaming. Lay down beside them and do the same thing I did it. My daughter jumped up and said Mommy stop that you are embarrasing me. I replied now you know how i feel. That was the end of the temper tantrums and my house and in public.
WONDERFUL idea. Im going to have to try this one on my little girl.
- Tammy said:
I did that with my brother-in-law in Wal-Mart and he freaked out. He NEVER acted up again, for me.
- Sarah said:
When I took my little ones to the store with me, I bought them a cheap toy to play with while we were going through the store, by the time we were done, the toy was broke, and they were tired of it anyway, but It made shopping more pleasant with them, and kept them occupied. My kids never had to be reprimanded much though, they were always good children. By Theresa
I have just read all the comments to this post. So many of the suggestions here are so worthwhile to take notice of. Preventative-talking to your kids ahead of time and letting them know what you are doing, where you are going and what is expected of them. Starting Early-as soon as they can understand "No", make sure that you let them know you mean what you say. If they choose to disobey there will be negative consequences. Reinforce the positive and always look for the good. Show love, but not in a way that puts a child on a pedastel. They need to know that everyone else is just as important as they are. IF YOU MODEL AND SHOW RESPECT IT IS SOMETHING THAT WILL BE CAUGHT. I did not read of many even mentioning spanking. I am a mom of 5, ages 14-31. I have found each child to be different and each to be taught in slightly different measures. Training did begin early on for all and I loved them enough to train, correct, and when needed, to discipline them into obediance. I firmly belive in spanking for direct disobediance (not childishness). I believe you do not spank out of frustration or when you are angry but only when your well defined rules are broken. If you do this when thay are very young, they very soon catch on and dont want to continue to cross those boundaries.If you explain that you are doing this because you love them and it is your God given job to train them into respectful individuals that will be considerate of others and yeilding to athourity. After administering the punishment (No pain no gain) Gently hug and reinforce your love for them. It shows not only that you unconditionally love them in spite of their disobediance but is an example of how we all must yeild to athority (ultimatley God) in our lives . If any of my kids ever acted up in public they would get a warning. That is usually all I had to do. If for any reason they felt like testing me, we would go to the car for an attitude adjustment and when it was completed we would go back to finishing what we came to do. With a repentant and forgiven heart, things could go back to normal and security was reinforced by maintainig the expectatins of mutual respect and consideration. I have found if you do it properly, you really dont have to do it much. Unless you have one of those very strong-willed (I had 2). They can wear you out. It has been a little harder with grandkids........They are sometimes just too adorable.
- Sarah said:
- Tammy said:
My youngest daugter LOved to through temper tantrums in the store. If you have the nerve here is a good trick to try. Next timeyour child throws their self on the floor screaming. Lay down beside them and do the same thing I did it. My daughter jumped up and said Mommy stop that you are embarrasing me. I replied now you know how i feel. That was the end of the temper tantrums and my house and in public.
WONDERFUL idea. Im going to have to try this one on my little girl.
- Tammy said:
I had to do the same thing with my children. It really does work!!! Also when they would misbehave I would tell them to go to their room and when they decided that they chose to behave they could come out. It was very suprising at how long it took for them to come out sometimes, but when they made the choice to behave they actually did it. I also made sure that they knew why they were being punished and would simply ask them if they knew. Most of the time they did know and sometimes they didn't understand why so we would talk about it and then I would dole out the punishment accordingly. Don't ever forget parents, that your children, though not adults, are not stupid. A gentle firmness and being consistant will be the best help for you and for your child in the long run. Annemarie
When I went to the grocery store with small children, I used to go down the bread aisle first and pick out my loaves of bread. I opened a bag and let the children eat slices of bread while we shopped. Of course I always paid for the bread. Sometimes the cashiers scanned a loaf that was only half full but they always smiled when they saw a child munching on a slice - they knew exactly what it was all about. I don't remember any tantrums but I do recall a lot of whining in the grocery store - and the time my son dropped the egg carton out of the cart. When I got the bread first, I avoided these problems.
I would take a few seconds to calm myself down first and then if I couldn't get them to stop throwing temper tantrums at home, I'd sit them in the time-out chair (love it!). Then they weren't allowed to get up until they were ready to apologize for their tantrum. If they did it in a store, I'd get down to their level and try to solve the issue with them and if all else failed, I'd sit there until they stopped which usually didn't take long because they didn't like other people seeing that!!!
When my children were younger and tantrums were an issue, in public, no matter where we were or what we were doing we simply left. full shopping carts, dinners ordered, a party, once we left I explained why we left and that until the offending child could behave properly in public we wouldnt be going again. it only took once with each child and they never acted out in public again. I have such a hard time holding my tongue when I see a screaching child in a cart at the store and the mother either seems not to notice or hear it or she starts whacking the child as if hitting and hurting is going to make the screaming stop?
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