count from 100 backward breathing in and out slowly, you calm yourself down, then take the child home discuss what the problemwas and depending onage of the child either a time out or take away soemthing they like to do or olay with. Never ever display discipline your child in anger

By Joan on 7/3/2009

Start early - stand firm - take control- give hugs and kisses.Children need a since of order and structure. They need to know you are in control of whatever environment that they are in, even the grocery store. The most important thing to remember is that they have a brain and need to be engaged.  Books are a great gift to give them and it will last a lifetime. Talk to them telling them stories. But again this has to start EARLY. Don't worry about being their friends, they will need parents more then friends. By Annette at 9:02am

By Brenda on 7/3/2009

I started early in each of my boys' lives to let them know that temper tantrums were not acceptable behavior and told them to go in their bedrooms until they had calmed down enough for us to discuss the issue at hand.  Whenever they pulled out the "I hate you!" message, I would tell them that they wouldn't hate me forever and that I still loved them.  They also learned very early that the grocery stores, restaurants, and other public places were not their playgrounds and explained to them what kind of behavior I expected from them when we would be taking them to one of these places.  If I even got the slightest inkling that a temper tantrum was about to erupt, I would ask them if I needed to take them out to the car with me.  If we ended up sitting out in the car, I reminded them that type of behavior was not acceptable since it would not allow the other people in the public place to enjoy their activities and the others deserved to enjoy their time at the place.  Always after any discussions we had of this type, I would hug them and kiss them and told them I knew how well behaved they could be when they gave it an effort. 
As parents, we told them they were allowed to express their opinions on any subject matter as long as they followed the rules we had set in advance on how it was to be discussed - no yelling on their part, no use of offensive or obscene language, and that we [parents] would listen.  Once they had expressed their opinions, we acknowledged their opinions and when necessary, commented on their opinions and discussed ways of looking at the situation in different manner.  I think they showed more respect toward us for using this practice in discussing differences in our own opinions.  If their reasoning was good enough, we would compliment them for thinking it through and they were rewarded by us changing our opinions on occasion (depending on the issues at hand), or explaining our reasons for sticking with our opinions on the subject.
Of course, there were days when things did not go perfectly with our sons and it still happens now from time to time even though they are much older (First son is 33, second is 28).  We would not be a normal family if some situations did not go well, but it is a great deal easier to get through those times than it was when they were younger.  They grew up knowing every day we loved them regardless of the circumstances that might arise on any given day,  we demonstrated a gigantic amount of patience at times, and they knew we would never give up on them.

By Veronica on 7/3/2009

My youngest daugter LOved to through temper tantrums in the store. If you have the nerve here is a good trick to try. Next timeyour child throws their self on the floor screaming. Lay down beside them and do the same thing I did it. My daughter jumped up and said "Mommy stop that you are embarrasing me. I replied now you know how i feel. That was the end of the temper tantrums and my house and in public.

By Tammy on 7/4/2009

I have always used a policy of "catching good behavior."  Any time my kids behave properly, I reward them with a hug and a verbal affirmation.  I find it is easier to shape good behavior this way than to give attention only to bad behavior.  That said, kids will be kids.  When my kids do something wrong, I explain all the consequences of their behavior--for everyone effected.  That's usually enough to change the behavior.  If they are just bursting with anger and an explanation isn't enough, we go do something physical together to work off the anger (pounding (kneading) bread dough, moving rocks, running, or whatever it takes).  This way, we use anger to achieve positive results (a loaf of bread, a chore completed, exercise, etc.), so at least some good comes from the experience.

By Susan on 7/5/2009

• Tammy said:

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  My youngest daugter LOved to through temper tantrums in the store. If you have the nerve here is a good trick to try. Next timeyour child throws their self on the floor screaming. Lay down beside them and do the same thing I did it. My daughter jumped up and said Mommy stop that you are embarrasing me. I replied now you know how i feel. That was the end of the temper tantrums and my house and in public.
  

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By Sarah on 7/5/2009

One of the most effective ways to end my daughter's tantrums is to to say "I can't hear you when you whine!" We started this as soon as she could talk! She understood at an early age that she controls her tone of voice and how she asks for things:) If she whines or yells for something, I can't understand what she wants, but if she is calm about asking, she is more apt to receive the wanted item. Because of the calmness of the conversation, she is also more receptive to the "Not this time" response:)

By Kelly on 7/6/2009

I am extremely grateful to be able to say that my seven year old daughter has not ever in her lifetime had a temper tantrum or anything closely resembling it. However, as she get's older she does have her moments (an off look here or there, or maybe a little "trouble" hearing me when I'm telling her something she doesn't want to hear, like "it's time to come out of the pool"). We have always just given her a lot of love (I truly think that has allowed her to always feel safe and secure) and if she has that little trouble hearing me a firm "please do as I've asked you to" usually does the trick for us. We really believe in being open to discussion with our daughter, have family talks when there is an issue that it's important for us parents to stand together in and basically she has always known that we expect her to be a good person in this world who shows respect to others. We reward good behavior and when she does something wrong she know's that she can always come to us and we will work it out. She also knows that everyone sometimes feels anger or feels upset, but that doesn't ever mean that the love stops.

By Rachel on 7/6/2009

My kids learned not to trade insults with each other, whether at home or in public. After running through the limited skills my parents taught to me, I was at a loss for how to handle these willful children! One day while sitting in a restaurant inspiration struck me! I caught my kids misbehaving in a most embarrassing way. I called them to me. I made them place their arms around each other's shoulders in a loose hug. Then they had to repeat the phrases I said. I said things such as "I am sorry I said mean things to you." and "I will not be hateful to you anymore." Then I was inspired! I made them say "I am sorry I embarrassed my mom in front of people. I will never do this again." They nearly died and asked if they had to do that. I said yes since they had to fight with each other and embarrass me, they had to make up publicly, too. The lesson was short lived and on the way home, they began fighting again. I then made them trade compliments for an equal number of minutes that they had been saying hateful insults. Those compliments were much harder to come up with, but they managed. They are ultimately more aware of their words and actions now. We still have trouble on occasion, but it is occasional. I no longer flinch when it is suggested that we go out somewhere.

By Linda on 7/6/2009

If your child always has a tantrum in the grocery store then it must be effective for them in some way.  Instead of whatever you usually do, just stop, pick them up, leave your cart and go.  Once away from the store, explain kindly why you left.  Don't get angry and don't bribe them for good behavior (the exception would be a star on a star chart).  Good behavior is always expected.  Before you even think about your child's temper tantrums, think about your own.  What is your child learning when you curse out or give the finger to the guy who cut you off in traffic?  Or, argue publicly with a teacher, store clerk, meter maid, your child, etc.  You have to be a good role model.  Why should they be expected to act better than you do yourself?  You can help them practice for new situations which should make them feel more confident and less likely to act out.  Don't throw them in the deep end and then get upset because they start to sink!  If they're acting badly, it's usually because they're in over their heads and lack the experience and/or the confidence to do any better.  So, if he or she acts out, take them away from the area, give them a hug and ask them what happened to make them so upset and ask them what they could do instead.  Then, you need to determine if you can go on with your outing or if it's too much for them just then, in which case you'll just have to make a second trip. 

By Beverly on 7/6/2009

For my son, I always kept him engaged in talking to me about the selections I was making and the shopping list. I'd ask if what was first, next, and if I was forgetting anything. It was like having a live telephone conversation because I didn't allow for many pauses in conversation. When I selected an item, I gave it to him to inspect and ultimately put in the basket so he felt part of the shopping experience. We talked about what we would do once we left the store, what we'd have for dinner or a snack, and if there were any movies we could watch when we got home. He didn't have time to fuss. I also tried to stay on top of his eyes. If I thought he might want something, I'd tell him he'd have to earn it with good behavior. Then, I would follow through on a small scale. He loved the little 99 cent cars. Otherwise, I'd just park the buggy while I walked ahead a little with him trying to watch me, he would miss what I didn't want him to see. Or, sometimes I'd even speed walk to make it a game. He was so busy laughing that he didn't see the items we just passed. We even had our own shopping song... so silly, others even had to laugh... "shake, shake, shake (pause) shake, shake, shake (pause) shake yo boody AWWWWW shake yo boody! The last bit is what he really enjoyed. If we were alone in he aisle, I'd actually shake my boody. :-)

By Kyra on 7/6/2009

• Tammy said:

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  My youngest daugter LOved to through temper tantrums in the store. If you have the nerve here is a good trick to try. Next timeyour child throws their self on the floor screaming. Lay down beside them and do the same thing I did it. My daughter jumped up and said Mommy stop that you are embarrasing me. I replied now you know how i feel. That was the end of the temper tantrums and my house and in public.
  

  ---

By Candice on 7/6/2009

We started early teaching ours how to behave in public and I think that has helped me keep them calm for the most part.  We instituted the "I can't hear whining" rule too and it is mostly effective.  So far, I have luckily avoided major tantrums in public but who knows what today will bring, right? lol  We try to encourage them to express feelings & thoughts which has proved to be EXTREMELY helpful in controlling the situations.

By Dorothy on 7/7/2009

Be sure to offer four compliments or positive remarks for every negative or nagging one.  Sometimes we think it but don't say it when it comes to the positive, but more often than not, we immediately offer criticism.  I know...I'm guilty!!  Try it, it's harder than you think, but the results are always worth it in their good behavior.

By Janel on 7/7/2009

It's challenging working with a coparent on these types of issues, because our child tries to play off each parent.  As coparents (we are recently divorced) we work together to have similiar schedules (dinner, bath, bed, rewards, consequences) and this helps remendously.  Kids will have temper trantrums regardless of the rules you may have set up, but having similiarities helps them with understanding and provides them consistency.

By Lisa on 7/7/2009

WHEN YOUR  CHILD IS HAVING A TEMPEER TANTRUMS DON'T DON'T SPANK THEM , PUT THEM IN THIER ROOM AND CLOSE THE DOOR, AND WHEN THEY ARE READY TO TALK  TELL THEM THAT NEXT  TIME THEY BEHAVE BAD THAT YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE AWAY TOYS OR T.V'S OR THEIR WAT THEY LIKE BEST TO PLAY WITH. 

By REBECCA on 7/7/2009

Consistency is the key. If the throws a temper tamtrum, he gets warning, then time out. And after time out he has to apologize andknows that if he does it again, he will go right back to time out.

By Pamela on 7/7/2009

One thing I think has worked for all five of my kids is that I say what I mean and mean what I say.  I have always tried to think about what I tell them if we are going somewhere and make sure I always communicate with them if our plans change.  It is something that I appreciate from others so I try to use it with my kids so they know what is coming next.  So far, so good.

By Kirsten on 7/7/2009

Whisper in their ear they need to calm down to listen.by Kim

By kim kelley on 7/7/2009

Seems like each of my children at one some time tried to initiate a door slamming phase when they got angry or upset.  These phases never really got off the ground because they quickly discovered that it was not fun having to open and close their bedroom door quietly 50 times in a row with mom or dad looking on and keeping count.

By Linda on 7/7/2009

In public: Avoid the temper tantrum to begin with.  A restrained child is a well behaved child.  I use the stroller  or the ERGO carrier whenever possible with my 1 year old and 3 year old.

By Hannah on 7/7/2009

My #2 daughter started having temper tantrums when she was only a year old.  I got out the video camera and recorded her once while she was having one.  Every time she'd start to throw a fit I'd play the video for her to look at.  Once she saw herself on the tv screen acting like a maniac the tamtrums stopped.  It really worked!

By Jamie on 7/7/2009

I send them to their rooms to have their fit.  When they are finished they are allowed to come back out.  They usually spend less than 3 minutes in their rooms.  When we are out in public I redirect their attention to something else or make them laugh.

By Jessica on 7/7/2009

I find the simple words said firmly work very well "Excuse Me!" for mild issues or additude my step daughter is a great kid woderful daughter but she does have a snapish personallity when some one tell's her she is wrong, I have her look up the correct answer and write one page on the subject.  works and the writing time is good time out and she always comes back with an apology.

By Cari on 7/7/2009